I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
