How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
