take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
