Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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