Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
