Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
