i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
