I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
accomplished twins. life is a go
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
