so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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