taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize