Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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