I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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