I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize