I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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