note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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