I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found puke in my bra..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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