Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
