is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
