FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
