got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Enjoy the penises
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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