It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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