wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
