Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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