Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
