why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
