I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
