Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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