My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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