guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
