I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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