I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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