Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
