she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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