I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
