i permit you to call me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
