I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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