You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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