Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
