if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
