I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
