You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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