Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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