So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize