OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
