I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
