could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
