Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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