so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
