The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
