he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
