It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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