you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
