I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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