she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
