She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize