thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he shaved USA in his pubs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
