His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
