my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
