How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dicks are not precious.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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