you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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