we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I believe in your delicious
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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