$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
