woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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