You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
