The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
