no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
