I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
