He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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