I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize