My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
