the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
