I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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