I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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