I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
