I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
