so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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