dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
