Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
