I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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