physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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