I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
