I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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