he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
