What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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