there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
NoShamevember. You game?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
