she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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