i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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