He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
