Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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