I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
420 ftw
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
