Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
