we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
