I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ass is underappreciated
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
