the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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