Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
