I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
