so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
