Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize