I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
