Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
