Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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