wanna go halves on a baby?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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