idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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