I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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