I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
