what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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