Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
